Thursday, December 17, 2009

Melancholy Dream


What do you do with a melancholy dream? In the moment, you cherish it, hold it tightly, savor the peace and love as they settle into your heart.


In sleep's wake, seeing its fancy, you bury the dream in your soul. Label it "impossible or improbable," never to mature.


But what do you do with the leftovers? The joy? The encompassing, foundationless love and peace which break across your being like liniment, stinging the emptiness and wounds where it does not fit?


What to do with a melancholy dream?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Seasons


Ebb and flow, constant change. The past is dying and whirling toward the ground in brilliant colors that give tribute to the role it played in who I'm becoming. Life is like its seasons. Continual death and growth, anger and love, sorrow and joy.


Every choice, good and bad- like a leaf, fall in unique colors. They are in the past and have fulfilled their purpose in my life. Then life takes a winter to rest and be ready to give nutrients to and nurture the next seasons' folliage.


But in death life is celebrated- it's beauty serenades us with the smell of decay and marvelous hues, reminding us of the song we are playing... where we were and where we're going. God gives us seasons, springtime and harvest, in their time.


He clothes us with new attitudes and purpose every spring. Yet as the leaves, the outer things which clothe us, die- the trunk remains. Who we are doesn't change. Our roots are still in the ground, our branches still brush the sky and we can still house a nest or two. We may also hold onto some leaves. They are never celebrated but turn brown leaving us looking dead.


There's a balance in the flow of it in God's plan, never lingering longer than we should, but not jumping forward into a new season we aren't prepared for.
(yes, I have posted this prose before... about a year ago. I thought it deserved another run :-] .)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving


Earlier today I was saying that I dread the day when, a few years after I'm married and everyone else is still at home, I am called upon to host Thanksgiving dinner. It'll be me in the kitchen and three hungry brothers, (plus mom, dad, Aubs, and whomever from his family etc) waiting for LOTS of delicious food to be produced by yours truly. I feared that I couldn't do it alone.


This thought has changed after today- three women should NOT share a kitchen together. Particularily those who are younger trying to take over when they know nothing. It would be easier if people could just be humble and at least TRY to be on top of things, those who know more could pass on traditions to willing ears, but no.

I admit, mom had to put up with me when I was younger. I am still no culinary expert, but at least I did't try to shove my elders out of the way like so much left-over rubbish. Mom and I had fun cooking together, but something changed when a third person entered the mix.



One woman in the kitchen is now plenty.
PS: I AM thankful for my family- always will be :-)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Garbage Filters

http://www.last.fm/music/Tal%2B%2526%2BAcacia/_/Garbage+In?autostart



Garbage In - Tal and Acacia

Sittin' alone now,
Thinkin' about things,
Goin' on inside of me.
I feel so angry, so sinful,
And I wonder how this could be.
But, now I remember,
what you said to me long ago.
That what goes in you,
Will one day surely show.
It's gonna show.


Garbage in, Garbage out.
What goes in is found out.
All can see what goes in me.
I pay the price.

I fill my mind with bad things.
So horrible, I feel ashamed they show.
I've taken sin so lightly.
That lately, oh, the darkness is all I know.
The time is now,
Oh, to leave the junk behind.
The moment has arrived,
Where I no longer am blind.
It's garbage in.


Garbage in, Garbage out.
What goes in is found out.
All can see what goes in me.
I pay the price.

Jesus.
Forgive me for leaving you to please myself.
Jesus.
I see the mistake in loving this world's wealth.
Oh lord, grab hold of this sin-filled child.
For now, 'cause the darkness is all around.

---
The globe is filled with images and information, available online, in newspapers, on tv- 24/7- with images and propaganda that fill our minds. We are constantly filtering- but we know that there are things that we don't even have to subject ourselves to.... yet we do anyway.


Whatever you put into your mind will come back out- The fruits of the Spirit will be evident in the lives of those who allow themselves to be filled with the Spirit =)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

South

A conversation I had with summertime-passed. My full Old-English/poetry thought process included ;-)


Huddled in my car, soaking in the long-anticipated,
All too-brief warmth of the heater before venturing
Yet again into the breath-stealing cold.

I scold the air: 'where did thee go- oh warmth, oh life?
Thy passions replaced by colors
which fain to imitate thy hue, then in gray- subdued.

Where did thee go- ignition of spirit, momentum of souls?
Thy being a sustenance, leaving us behind
inanimate and barren, fallen with the leaves.

Where did thee go?'
The answer came in a stoical voice to match its atmosphere:

'South.'

Thursday, October 22, 2009

In Cleaving, Leaves


The autumn flakes descend the trees,
In orange, rust on fading green.
My melancholy thoughts serene,
Remind of eyes that match the sheen.

I watch you pass through gath'ring square,
As with a glance you meet my stare
Which shatters hearts beyond repair.
Then walking on, leaves empty air.

Between two souls it bends and weaves,
To form a heart that will not leave,
But then in two, the same it cleaves.
Such then as one forever grieves.

When all the stars did shine for thee
You could have had eternity.
Someday you'll look back and see-
Looking back at what will be.

-Catherine Stevens

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Peace


"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

No matter what empty spaces God has left, (to be filled by His plan later,) no matter the stress around you, or fear, or loneliness.... peace.
Like we sang last night, 'I won't leave you alone.'
A quiet joy, often mixed with melancholy in the begining, then fills in the chinks of life =)

Finding Heaven here on earth- God with us. We don't need to worry, outside of helping others find that same peace in Him.
Not worrying doesn't mean being lazy, but being focused on the relationship and living it, not on the things that we are trying to get out of the way of our relationship. Demons, temptations, and stresses... don't truly matter- God has 'overcome them,' and has 'given his angels charge over us.'

Peace

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Please



Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last


I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Friday, September 4, 2009

Fall kick-off tomorrow!! =D


Tomorrow is fall kick-off =D
whoo!


Washington Square, 4:00pm near the stairs at the food court.

We will have a mall scavenger hunt, games, food, friends =)

BE THERE!!!

Let me know if rides are needed etc =)
called2shepherd2@gmail.com

Monday, August 31, 2009

Fall kick-off!


'ello there Foundry Youth and friends!

We are having our fall kick-off at Summerlake Park this coming Saturday, starting at about 4:00, starting out near the covered area by the dog park =D

Snacks, games, sports, scavenger hunt, devos etc.

After that, (at about 6,) everyone that can make it is invited back to the Stevens' for hot dogs, foosball, & Wii.

Let's give summer one last hurrah!

1 John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 1:3
We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

A clamor in you whisper...


I grow tired of writing songs
While people listen but never hear what's really going on now Tell me what's so wrong now

Clap your hands all ye children
There's a clamor in your whispering
Clap your hands tonight
Hear what the silence screams
Clap your hands
Clap your hands now all ye children
Clap your hands all ye children
There's a clamor in your whispering tonight

For most of men believe hell is never knowing who they are now (Tell me who you are now) Finally saved from the outside trapped in what you know Are you safe from yourself? Can you escape all by yourself?

Clap your hands all ye children
There's a clamor in your whispering
Clam your hands tonight
Hear what the silence screams
Clap your hands
Clap your hands now all ye children
Clap your hands all ye children
There's a clamor in your whispering tonight.
-Anberlin


My statement of the day:

The things we say that we don't mean leave Silence in praise's place. The Bible says the silence will scream- if we don't worship, something else will.

Do you need to be a Fanatic?
---YES---

Pray 3 times a day?
---NO---
PRAY CONTINUALLY

Prayer, talking to God, isn't bowing your head etc.
It's to be continual. Unending. Every choice we make, everything we do or say is to be worship to God through our lives.
There is no such thing as an 'on again, off again,' relationship with God. Either He's in control, or you won't give it to him. It's easier said than done, I know. But we are to 'pray continually.' That doesn't mean we need to give up and hermitize ourselves- it means our lives- in but not of the world- are to be lived, with God working through everything. Our mistakes, our choices, our love... our whole lives.

That is what praying continually means =)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

True Patience


True patience,
Is slowly fading,
All my thoughts,
In colors shading.

Will it happen?
My hope draws near.
Will it be dashed?
Whispers my fear.

Am I mistaken
In hoping for you?
If you care not
What will I do?

I'll be patient
To have nothing less
Than all that you are
Your heart to bless.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Result Remains


I recently found a list of goals from 2 years ago when I graduated high school.

It was interesting to see how I percieved these years. I anticipated that by this point I'd perhaps have a part-time job, a serious boyfriend, a car, school, scheduling school vs. friends and be thinking about moving out. At the time I thought that school would be more at the forefront of my life.

Zack and I went to coffee the other day and were chatting about school... why we're there and future plans. It sparked an intro-spective check on my life goals, to find that while I have a part-full time job it isn't what I thought it would be, (it fits my long-term goals better and I enjoy it more.) No boyfriend at this point, and I'm not in a hurry... I'm at the point where I don't want to be with just anyone ;-) and I'm patient for whenever God makes His plan apparent.
Scheduling is more around the ministry I'm in than my school or friends. I do have a car and school but they're at a totally different priority level than I anticipated them holding.
School isn't about being 'in college,' but has evolved into working toward a degree to be able to do the job God has for me.
It makes so much more sense than the 'ideal' I held before, but yet again it's like I'm skipping a stage/hitting a milestone early. But that's ok.

Even though many of the means of my goals have retreated or been abandoned, the end result has remained:

"He has shown you oh man, what is good. Now what does the Lord require of you? To live justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

In bullet points this means:
- Follow the calling God's put on my life to be a healing hand and heart to those in pain.
- Follow the calling of family, my own, (yet to come,) and support of those around me in my church family.
- Follow the calling to be the best support and friend I can be to those around me, through my education, caring and the heart God gave me to be there for others.


He has shown me what is GOOD, and I will wait for it... in my education, my work, and my personal life.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Conference



Friday/Saturday I attended the Annual Conference of the Free Methodist church where the leaders of all the FM churches in Oregon get together to talk business and hear about what's going on around the world. Sure, it was a bunch of old pastors talking about church 'business' and voting on committees as always, but it was amazing- the housekeeping of God's family =)

But it struck a chord with me this year. Bishop Thomas lost his son since last year, but he seemed more joyful and at peace than he did last year- he has a new resolve to his life.

He called us all to give THANKS at ALL TIMES, to PRAY CONTINUALLY, and not be afraid of God doing new things on larger scales, and that the best leaders are first followers.

In China there are up to 12 times the number of FM churches as there are here. WHY? because they truly believe and will go through persecution for it.

I drove home from Eugene alone because no one else wanted to ride in my hot, A/C-less car, and I must admit I was a little annoyed. But the solitude was good for me. I found myself watching My Father's World go by while listening to Jadon Lavik sing the song by the same name.
During that ride God brought me through an unplanned prayer practice- thankfulness, introspection, retrospection on my life's path, humility, request, equipping, joy, and peace. I came away so thankful for what God is doing through and in me with a peace and excitement beyond my understanding. It's not about numbers of people in your church or amount of money in the bank- it's about caring for people and their hearts.

This is my Father's world and to my listening ears
All nature sings and round me rings the music of the spheres

This is my Father's world I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees of skies and seas His hand the wonders wrought

This is my Father's world O let me ne'er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong God is the ruler yet


This is my Father's world oh the battle is not done
Jesus Who died will be satisfied And earth and Heav'n will be one

Yes Jesus who died will be satisfied
and earth and heaven
Oh earth and heaven
oh earth and heaven
will be one

Friday, June 12, 2009

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Surf West!


Summer kick-off tomorrow! =) themed: Surf West!
6:15 at the Foundry- we'll be heading to a movie, then back to play games, Wii, eat snacks, group projects, and more movies! =D
Breakfast will be at 6:30 and I can give people rides home at 7 to Tigard, Beaverton or Newberg- let me know!
I've missed you all and can't wait to see you! =D

Friday, May 22, 2009

Update

So, that picture and post of the day thing hasn't really worked out.... :-) But I'll catch you up a little here:

We flew out at 11:45ish on Wed the 13th, went through IAH, and landed in Orlando mid-Thursday morning. We stayed at Disney's Fort Wilderness cabins that night and went to T-Rex Cafe for lunch on Friday.

We are staying the rest of the time in a condo in Cocoa Beach Florida, (think 'I Dream of Jeanie' and NASA.) The weather was beautiful for the first couple of days then BOOM. Literally. Thunderstorms and torrential rain ever since :-P

But it's been fun. We've found Manatees, been to Merritt Island Mall,
the boys got sunburned the first day, I got a bikini (*gasp*), we went to NASA today, and we have had some good family together/take a break time =)

Personally, my hopes of catching up in classes have been dashed, but I'm a little thankful for that.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Countdown to Florida


I'm going to be in Florida for 2 weeks beginning Wednesday evening.

My goal is to post a picture of the day here, and the rest of my pictures on FB every day with a short devo/verse of the day. If I don't, feel free to bug me incessantly ;-)

I will be posting weekly Youth Group devos/schedule, and hope to host an online Bible study time next Sunday and the Friday or Sunday after that =) I'll let you know more as this transpires.

I'll be available on FB, Email and cell if you need or want to chat while I'm away.

Foundry Youth Summer Kick-off will be June 5th-6th! -ALL_NIGHTER!- We plan to go to the drive-in in Newberg or the Joy theatre in Tigard, then come back to play Wii, eat, watch movies, have a shelf-painting contest etc =D Feel free to invite lots of friends- just let me know so that I can plan for drivers/chaperones :-)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

this week's devo and sched =)

Balaam was a prophet described in the Old Testament (Num. 22–24) who was asked by Balak, the king of Moab, to place a curse on the people of Israel, who are camped too close for comfort on the plains of Moab.

Balak’s request:
“Come now therefore, I pray thee, curse me this people…” (Num. 22: 6).

Balaam choosing a blessing-
Balaam states that he will utter only what his God tells him to, but he is willing to go talk to Balak. He is met en route by an angel, who is recognized only by Balaam’s donkey, which refuses to continue because it doesn’t want him to die. Balaam beat the donkey because he didn’t know why it stopped.
Then God opened its mouth and it told him why it wouldn’t go, (angel with big fiery sword in the road. Eek!) Then God allows Balaam to see the angel. It tells him to go to the King, but commands him not to curse but to bless Israel, (and to quit beating the nice donkey.) ;-)

God’s response:
“Thou shalt not go with them, thou shalt not curse the people: for they are blessed” (Num. 22: 12).

Despite pressure from Balak, Balaam remains faithful to God and blesses the people of Israel

Balaam’s reply
“…if Balak would give me his house full of silver and gold, I cannot go beyond the word of the Lord my God, to do less or more” (Num. 22: 18, cp. 24: 13).

In fact Balaam blessed Israel 3 times! Of course, Balak was a lil’ ticked off:

‘Then Balak said to Balaam, "Neither curse them at all nor bless them at all!" Balaam answered, "Did I not tell you I must do whatever the LORD says?"’ Num. 23:25-26

Thoughts to think on:
Balak decided that if Balaam really wasn’t going to curse them it would be better if he left and didn’t do anything rather than bless his enemy.
How is society like Balak- asking that if we won’t join in hurting others that we at least stay out of the way?
Revelation 3:15-16 “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

Questions to consider:
- Do your actions bless or curse people?
- What events in the world curse people? (slavery, greed, and poverty...)
- What can you do to change these things and bring blessing?

Sched:
Foundry Friday- 6:30
Boy's Bible Study- 2:00/coffee break
Girls' Bible Study- 2:00/Foundry or park
June 5th- Summer kick-off! All-nighter!!!! =D

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Young Goodman Brown - Nathaniel Hawthorne


Young Goodman Brown came forth at sunset into the street at Salem village; but put his head back, after crossing the threshold, to exchange a parting kiss with his young wife. And Faith, as the wife was aptly named, thrust her own pretty head into the street, letting the wind play with the pink ribbons of her cap while she called to Goodman Brown.

"Dearest heart," whispered she, softly and rather sadly, when her lips were close to his ear, "prithee put off your journey until sunrise and sleep in your own bed to-night. A lone woman is troubled with such dreams and such thoughts that she's afeard of herself sometimes. Pray tarry with me this night, dear husband, of all nights in the year."

"My love and my Faith," replied young Goodman Brown, "of all nights in the year, this one night must I tarry away from thee. My journey, as thou callest it, forth and back again, must needs be done 'twixt now and sunrise. What, my sweet, pretty wife, dost thou doubt me already, and we but three months married?"

"Then God bless youe!" said Faith, with the pink ribbons; "and may you find all well whn you come back."

"Amen!" cried Goodman Brown. "Say thy prayers, dear Faith, and go to bed at dusk, and no harm will come to thee."

So they parted; and the young man pursued his way until, being about to turn the corner by the meeting-house, he looked back and saw the head of Faith still peeping after him with a melancholy air, in spite of her pink ribbons.

"Poor little Faith!" thought he, for his heart smote him. "What a wretch am I to leave her on such an errand! She talks of dreams, too. Methought as she spoke there was trouble in her face, as if a dream had warned her what work is to be done tonight. But no, no; 't would kill her to think it. Well, she's a blessed angel on earth; and after this one night I'll cling to her skirts and follow her to heaven."


With this excellent resolve for the future, Goodman Brown felt himself justified in making more haste on his present evil purpose. He had taken a dreary road, darkened by all the gloomiest trees of the forest, which barely stood aside to let the narrow path creep through, and closed immediately behind. It was all as lonely as could be; and there is this peculiarity in such a solitude, that the traveller knows not who may be concealed by the innumerable trunks and the thick boughs overhead; so that with lonely footsteps he may yet be passing through an unseen multitude.

"There may be a devilish Indian behind every tree," said Goodman Brown to himself; and he glanced fearfully behind him as he added, "What if the devil himself should be at my very elbow!"

His head being turned back, he passed a crook of the road, and, looking forward again, beheld the figure of a man, in grave and decent attire, seated at the foot of an old tree. He arose at Goodman Brown's approach and walked onward side by side with him.

"You are late, Goodman Brown," said he. "The clock of the Old South was striking as I came through Boston, and that is full fifteen minutes agone."

"Faith kept me back a while," replied the young man, with a tremor in his voice, caused by the sudden appearance of his companion, though not wholly unexpected.

It was now deep dusk in the forest, and deepest in that part of it where these two were journeying. As nearly as could be discerned, the second traveller was about fifty years old, apparently in the same rank of life as Goodman Brown, and bearing a considerable resemblance to him, though perhaps more in expression than features. Still they might have been taken for father and son. And yet, though the elder person was as simply clad as the younger, and as simple in manner too, he had an indescribable air of one who knew the world, and who would not have felt abashed at the governor's dinner table or in King William's court, were it possible that his affairs should call him thither. But the only thing about him that could be fixed upon as remarkable was his staff, which bore the likeness of a great black snake, so curiously wrought that it might almost be seen to twist and wriggle itself like a living serpent. This, of course, must have been an ocular deception, assisted by the uncertain light.

"Come, Goodman Brown," cried his fellow-traveller, "this is a dull pace for the beginning of a journey. Take my staff, if you are so soon weary."

"Friend," said the other, exchanging his slow pace for a full stop, "having kept covenant by meeting thee here, it is my purpose now to return whence I came. I have scruples touching the matter thou wot'st of."

"Sayest thou so?" replied he of the serpent, smiling apart. "Let us walk on, nevertheless, reasoning as we go; and if I convince thee not thou shalt turn back. We are but a little way in the forest yet."

"Too far! too far!" exclaimed the goodman, unconsciously resuming his walk. "My father never went into the woods on such an errand, nor his father before him. We have been a race of honest men and good Christians since the days of the martyrs; and shall I be the first of the name of Brown that ever took this path and kept"

"Such company, thou wouldst say," observed the elder person, interpreting his pause. "Well said, Goodman Brown! I have been as well acquainted with your family as with ever a one among the Puritans; and that's no trifle to say. I helped your grandfather, the constable, when he lashed the Quaker woman so smartly through the streets of Salem; and it was I that brought your father a pitch-pine knot, kindled at my own hearth, to set fire to an Indian village, in King Philip's war. They were my good friends, both; and many a pleasant walk have we had along this path, and returned merrily after midnight. I would fain be friends with you for their sake."

"If it be as thou sayest," replied Goodman Brown, "I marvel they never spoke of these matters; or, verily, I marvel not, seeing that the least rumor of the sort would have driven them from New England. We are a people of prayer, and good works to boot, and abide no such wickedness."

"Wickedness or not," said the traveller with the twisted staff, "I have a very general acquaintance here in New England. The deacons of many a church have drunk the communion wine with me; the selectmen of divers towns make me their chairman; and a majority of the Great and General Court are firm supporters of my interest. The governor and I, too--But these are state secrets."

"Can this be so?" cried Goodman Brown, with a stare of amazement at his undisturbed companion. "Howbeit, I have nothing to do with the governor and council; they have their own ways, and are no rule for a simple husbandman like me. But, were I to go on with thee, how should I meet the eye of that good old man, our minister, at Salem village? Oh, his voice would make me tremble both Sabbath day and lecture day."

Thus far the elder traveller had listened with due gravity; but now burst into a fit of irrepressible mirth, shaking himself so violently that his snake-like staff actually seemed to wriggle in sympathy.

"Ha! ha! ha!" shouted he again and again; then composing himself, "Well, go on, Goodman Brown, go on; but, prithee, don't kill me with laughing."

"Well, then, to end the matter at once," said Goodman Brown, considerably nettled, "there is my wife, Faith. It would break her dear little heart; and I'd rather break my own."

"Nay, if that be the case," answered the other, "e'en go thy ways, Goodman Brown. I would not for twenty old women like the one hobbling before us that Faith should come to any harm."


As he spoke he pointed his staff at a female figure on the path, in whom Goodman Brown recognized a very pious and exemplary dame, who had taught him his catechism in youth, and was still his moral and spiritual adviser, jointly with the minister and Deacon Gookin.

"A marvel, truly, that Goody Cloyse should be so far in the wilderness at nightfall," said he. "But with your leave, friend, I shall take a cut through the woods until we have left this Christian woman behind. Being a stranger to you, she might ask whom I was consorting with and whither I was going."

"Be it so," said his fellow-traveller. "Betake you to the woods, and let me keep the path."

Accordingly the young man turned aside, but took care to watch his companion, who advanced softly along the road until he had come within a staff's length of the old dame. She, meanwhile, was making the best of her way, with singular speed for so aged a woman, and mumbling some indistinct words--a prayer, doubtless--as she went. The traveller put forth his staff and touched her withered neck with what seemed the serpent's tail.

"The devil!" screamed the pious old lady.

"Then Goody Cloyse knows her old friend?" observed the traveller, confronting her and leaning on his writhing stick.

"Ah, forsooth, and is it your worship indeed?" cried the good dame. "Yea, truly is it, and in the very image of my old gossip, Goodman Brown, the grandfather of the silly fellow that now is. But--would your worship believe it?--my broomstick hath strangely disappeared, stolen, as I suspect, by that unhanged witch, Goody Cory, and that, too, when I was all anointed with the juice of smallage, and cinquefoil, and wolf's bane"

"Mingled with fine wheat and the fat of a new-born babe," said the shape of old Goodman Brown.

"Ah, your worship knows the recipe," cried the old lady, cackling aloud. "So, as I was saying, being all ready for the meeting, and no horse to ride on, I made up my mind to foot it; for they tell me there is a nice young man to be taken into communion to-night. But now your good worship will lend me your arm, and we shall be there in a twinkling."

"That can hardly be," answered her friend. "I may not spare you my arm, Goody Cloyse; but here is my staff, if you will."

So saying, he threw it down at her feet, where, perhaps, it assumed life, being one of the rods which its owner had formerly lent to the Egyptian magi. Of this fact, however, Goodman Brown could not take cognizance. He had cast up his eyes in astonishment, and, looking down again, beheld neither Goody Cloyse nor the serpentine staff, but his fellow-traveller alone, who waited for him as calmly as if nothing had happened.

"That old woman taught me my catechism," said the young man; and there was a world of meaning in this simple comment.

They continued to walk onward, while the elder traveller exhorted his companion to make good speed and persevere in the path, discoursing so aptly that his arguments seemed rather to spring up in the bosom of his auditor than to be suggested by himself. As they went, he plucked a branch of maple to serve for a walking stick, and began to strip it of the twigs and little boughs, which were wet with evening dew. The moment his fingers touched them they became strangely withered and dried up as with a week's sunshine. Thus the pair proceeded, at a good free pace, until suddenly, in a gloomy hollow of the road, Goodman Brown sat himself down on the stump of a tree and refused to go any farther.

"Friend," said he, stubbornly, "my mind is made up. Not another step will I budge on this errand. What if a wretched old woman do choose to go to the devil when I thought she was going to heaven: is that any reason why I should quit my dear Faith and go after her?"


"You will think better of this by and by," said his acquaintance, composedly. "Sit here and rest yourself a while; and when you feel like moving again, there is my staff to help you along."
Without more words, he threw his companion the maple stick, and was as speedily out of sight as if he had vanished into the deepening gloom. The young man sat a few moments by the roadside, applauding himself greatly, and thinking with how clear a conscience he should meet the minister in his morning walk, nor shrink from the eye of good old Deacon Gookin. And what calm sleep would be his that very night, which was to have been spent so wickedly, but so purely and sweetly now, in the arms of Faith! Amidst these pleasant and praiseworthy meditations, Goodman Brown heard the tramp of horses along the road, and deemed it advisable to conceal himself within the verge of the forest, conscious of the guilty purpose that had brought him thither, though now so happily turned from it.

On came the hoof tramps and the voices of the riders, two grave old voices, conversing soberly as they drew near. These mingled sounds appeared to pass along the road, within a few yards of the young man's hiding-place; but, owing doubtless to the depth of the gloom at that particular spot, neither the travellers nor their steeds were visible. Though their figures brushed the small boughs by the wayside, it could not be seen that they intercepted, even for a moment, the faint gleam from the strip of bright sky athwart which they must have passed. Goodman Brown alternately crouched and stood on tiptoe, pulling aside the branches and thrusting forth his head as far as he durst without discerning so much as a shadow. It vexed him the more, because he could have sworn, were such a thing possible, that he recognized the voices of the minister and Deacon Gookin, jogging along quietly, as they were wont to do, when bound to some ordination or ecclesiastical council. While yet within hearing, one of the riders stopped to pluck a switch.

"Of the two, reverend sir," said the voice like the deacon's, "I had rather miss an ordination dinner than to-night's meeting. They tell me that some of our community are to be here from Falmouth and beyond, and others from Connecticut and Rhode Island, besides several of the Indian powwows, who, after their fashion, know almost as much deviltry as the best of us. Moreover, there is a goodly young woman to be taken into communion."

"Mighty well, Deacon Gookin!" replied the solemn old tones of the minister. "Spur up, or we shall be late. Nothing can be done, you know, until I get on the ground."


The hoofs clattered again; and the voices, talking so strangely in the empty air, passed on through the forest, where no church had ever been gathered or solitary Christian prayed. Whither, then, could these holy men be journeying so deep into the heathen wilderness? Young Goodman Brown caught hold of a tree for support, being ready to sink down on the ground, faint and overburdened with the heavy sickness of his heart. He looked up to the sky, doubting whether there really was a heaven above him. Yet there was the blue arch, and the stars brightening in it.

"With heaven above and Faith below, I will yet stand firm against the devil!" cried Goodman Brown.

While he still gazed upward into the deep arch of the firmament and had lifted his hands to pray, a cloud, though no wind was stirring, hurried across the zenith and hid the brightening stars. The blue sky was still visible, except directly overhead, where this black mass of cloud was sweeping swiftly northward. Aloft in the air, as if from the depths of the cloud, came a confused and doubtful sound of voices. Once the listener fancied that he could distinguish the accents of towns-people of his own, men and women, both pious and ungodly, many of whom he had met at the communion table, and had seen others rioting at the tavern. The next moment, so indistinct were the sounds, he doubted whether he had heard aught but the murmur of the old forest, whispering without a wind. Then came a stronger swell of those familiar tones, heard daily in the sunshine at Salem village, but never until now from a cloud of night There was one voice of a young woman, uttering lamentations, yet with an uncertain sorrow, and entreating for some favor, which, perhaps, it would grieve her to obtain; and all the unseen multitude, both saints and sinners, seemed to encourage her onward.

"Faith!" shouted Goodman Brown, in a voice of agony and desperation; and the echoes of the forest mocked him, crying, "Faith! Faith!" as if bewildered wretches were seeking her all through the wilderness.


The cry of grief, rage, and terror was yet piercing the night, when the unhappy husband held his breath for a response. There was a scream, drowned immediately in a louder murmur of voices, fading into far-off laughter, as the dark cloud swept away, leaving the clear and silent sky above Goodman Brown. But something fluttered lightly down through the air and caught on the branch of a tree. The young man seized it, and beheld a pink ribbon.

"My Faith is gone!" cried he, after one stupefied moment. "There is no good on earth; and sin is but a name. Come, devil; for to thee is this world given."

And, maddened with despair, so that he laughed loud and long, did Goodman Brown grasp his staff and set forth again, at such a rate that he seemed to fly along the forest path rather than to walk or run. The road grew wilder and drearier and more faintly traced, and vanished at length, leaving him in the heart of the dark wilderness, still rushing onward with the instinct that guides mortal man to evil. The whole forest was peopled with frightful sounds--the creaking of the trees, the howling of wild beasts, and the yell of Indians; while sometimes the wind tolled like a distant church bell, and sometimes gave a broad roar around the traveller, as if all Nature were laughing him to scorn. But he was himself the chief horror of the scene, and shrank not from its other horrors.

"Ha! ha! ha!" roared Goodman Brown when the wind laughed at him.

"Let us hear which will laugh loudest. Think not to frighten me with your deviltry. Come witch, come wizard, come Indian powwow, come devil himself, and here comes Goodman Brown. You may as well fear him as he fear you."

In truth, all through the haunted forest there could be nothing more frightful than the figure of Goodman Brown. On he flew among the black pines, brandishing his staff with frenzied gestures, now giving vent to an inspiration of horrid blasphemy, and now shouting forth such laughter as set all the echoes of the forest laughing like demons around him. The fiend in his own shape is less hideous than when he rages in the breast of man. Thus sped the demoniac on his course, until, quivering among the trees, he saw a red light before him, as when the felled trunks and branches of a clearing have been set on fire, and throw up their lurid blaze against the sky, at the hour of midnight. He paused, in a lull of the tempest that had driven him onward, and heard the swell of what seemed a hymn, rolling solemnly from a distance with the weight of many voices. He knew the tune; it was a familiar one in the choir of the village meeting-house. The verse died heavily away, and was lengthened by a chorus, not of human voices, but of all the sounds of the benighted wilderness pealing in awful harmony together. Goodman Brown cried out, and his cry was lost to his own ear by its unison with the cry of the desert.


In the interval of silence he stole forward until the light glared full upon his eyes. At one extremity of an open space, hemmed in by the dark wall of the forest, arose a rock, bearing some rude, natural resemblance either to an alter or a pulpit, and surrounded by four blazing pines, their tops aflame, their stems untouched, like candles at an evening meeting. The mass of foliage that had overgrown the summit of the rock was all on fire, blazing high into the night and fitfully illuminating the whole field. Each pendent twig and leafy festoon was in a blaze. As the red light arose and fell, a numerous congregation alternately shone forth, then disappeared in shadow, and again grew, as it were, out of the darkness, peopling the heart of the solitary woods at once.

"A grave and dark-clad company," quoth Goodman Brown.

In truth they were such. Among them, quivering to and fro between gloom and splendor, appeared faces that would be seen next day at the council board of the province, and others which, Sabbath after Sabbath, looked devoutly heavenward, and benignantly over the crowded pews, from the holiest pulpits in the land. Some affirm that the lady of the governor was there. At least there were high dames well known to her, and wives of honored husbands, and widows, a great multitude, and ancient maidens, all of excellent repute, and fair young girls, who trembled lest their mothers should espy them. Either the sudden gleams of light flashing over the obscure field bedazzled Goodman Brown, or he recognized a score of the church members of Salem village famous for their especial sanctity. Good old Deacon Gookin had arrived, and waited at the skirts of that venerable saint, his revered pastor. But, irreverently consorting with these grave, reputable, and pious people, these elders of the church, these chaste dames and dewy virgins, there were men of dissolute lives and women of spotted fame, wretches given over to all mean and filthy vice, and suspected even of horrid crimes. It was strange to see that the good shrank not from the wicked, nor were the sinners abashed by the saints. Scattered also among their pale-faced enemies were the Indian priests, or powwows, who had often scared their native forest with more hideous incantations than any known to English witchcraft.

"But where is Faith?" thought Goodman Brown; and, as hope came into his heart, he trembled.

Another verse of the hymn arose, a slow and mournful strain, such as the pious love, but joined to words which expressed all that our nature can conceive of sin, and darkly hinted at far more. Unfathomable to mere mortals is the lore of fiends. Verse after verse was sung; and still the chorus of the desert swelled between like the deepest tone of a mighty organ; and with the final peal of that dreadful anthem there came a sound, as if the roaring wind, the rushing streams, the howling beasts, and every other voice of the unconcerted wilderness were mingling and according with the voice of guilty man in homage to the prince of all. The four blazing pines threw up a loftier flame, and obscurely discovered shapes and visages of horror on the smoke wreaths above the impious assembly. At the same moment the fire on the rock shot redly forth and formed a glowing arch above its base, where now appeared a figure. With reverence be it spoken, the figure bore no slight similitude, both in garb and manner, to some grave divine of the New England churches.

"Bring forth the converts!" cried a voice that echoed through the field and rolled into the forest.

At the word, Goodman Brown stepped forth from the shadow of the trees and approached the congregation, with whom he felt a loathful brotherhood by the sympathy of all that was wicked in his heart. He could have well-nigh sworn that the shape of his own dead father beckoned him to advance, looking downward from a smoke wreath, while a woman, with dim features of despair, threw out her hand to warn him back. Was it his mother? But he had no power to retreat one step, nor to resist, even in thought, when the minister and good old Deacon Gookin seized his arms and led him to the blazing rock. Thither came also the slender form of a veiled female, led between Goody Cloyse, that pious teacher of the catechism, and Martha Carrier, who had received the devil's promise to be queen of hell. A rampant hag was she. And there stood the proselytes beneath the canopy of fire.

"Welcome, my children," said the dark figure, "to the communion of your race. Ye have found thus young your nature and your destiny. My children, look behind you!"

They turned; and flashing forth, as it were, in a sheet of flame, the fiend worshippers were seen; the smile of welcome gleamed darkly on every visage.

"There," resumed the sable form, "are all whom ye have reverenced from youth. Ye deemed them holier than yourselves, and shrank from your own sin, contrasting it with their lives of righteousness and prayerful aspirations heavenward. Yet here are they all in my worshipping assembly. This night it shall be granted you to know their secret deeds: how hoary-bearded elders of the church have whispered wanton words to the young maids of their households; how many a woman, eager for widows' weeds, has given her husband a drink at bedtime and let him sleep his last sleep in her bosom; how beardless youths have made haste to inherit their fathers' wealth; and how fair damsels--blush not, sweet ones--have dug little graves in the garden, and bidden me, the sole guest to an infant's funeral. By the sympathy of your human hearts for sin ye shall scent out all the places--whether in church, bedchamber, street, field, or forest--where crime has been committed, and shall exult to behold the whole earth one stain of guilt, one mighty blood spot. Far more than this. It shall be yours to penetrate, in every bosom, the deep mystery of sin, the fountain of all wicked arts, and which inexhaustibly supplies more evil impulses than human power--than my power at its utmost--can make manifest in deeds. And now, my children, look upon each other."

They did so; and, by the blaze of the hell-kindled torches, the wretched man beheld his Faith, and the wife her husband, trembling before that unhallowed altar.

"Lo, there ye stand, my children," said the figure, in a deep and solemn tone, almost sad with its despairing awfulness, as if his once angelic nature could yet mourn for our miserable race. "Depending upon one another's hearts, ye had still hoped that virtue were not all a dream. Now are ye undeceived. Evil is the nature of mankind. Evil must be your only happiness. Welcome again, my children, to the communion of your race."

"Welcome," repeated the fiend worshippers, in one cry of despair and triumph.

And there they stood, the only pair, as it seemed, who were yet hesitating on the verge of wickedness in this dark world. A basin was hollowed, naturally, in the rock. Did it contain water, reddened by the lurid light? or was it blood? or, perchance, a liquid flame? Herein did the shape of evil dip his hand and prepare to lay the mark of baptism upon their foreheads, that they might be partakers of the mystery of sin, more conscious of the secret guilt of others, both in deed and thought, than they could now be of their own.
The husband cast one look at his pale wife, and Faith at him. What polluted wretches would the next glance show them to each other, shuddering alike at what they disclosed and what they saw!

"Faith! Faith!" cried the husband, "look up to heaven, and resist the wicked one."

Whether Faith obeyed he knew not. Hardly had he spoken when he found himself amid calm night and solitude, listening to a roar of the wind which died heavily away through the forest. He staggered against the rock, and felt it chill and damp; while a hanging twig, that had been all on fire, besprinkled his cheek with the coldest dew.

The next morning young Goodman Brown came slowly into the street of Salem village, staring around him like a bewildered man. The good old minister was taking a walk along the graveyard to get an appetite for breakfast and meditate his sermon, and bestowed a blessing, as he passed, on Goodman Brown. He shrank from the venerable saint as if to avoid an anathema. Old Deacon Gookin was at domestic worship, and the holy words of his prayer were heard through the open window. "What God doth the wizard pray to?" quoth Goodman Brown. Goody Cloyse, that excellent old Christian, stood in the early sunshine at her own lattice, catechizing a little girl who had brought her a pint of morning's milk. Goodman Brown snatched away the child as from the grasp of the fiend himself. Turning the corner by the meeting-house, he spied the head of Faith, with the pink ribbons, gazing anxiously forth, and bursting into such joy at sight of him that she skipped along the street and almost kissed her husband before the whole village. But Goodman Brown looked sternly and sadly into her face, and passed on without a greeting.

Had Goodman Brown fallen asleep in the forest and only dreamed a wild dream of a witch-meeting?

Be it so if you will; but, alas! it was a dream of evil omen for young Goodman Brown. A stern, a sad, a darkly meditative, a distrustful, if not a desperate man did he become from the night of that fearful dream. On the Sabbath day, when the congregation were singing a holy psalm, he could not listen because an anthem of sin rushed loudly upon his ear and drowned all the blessed strain. When the minister spoke from the pulpit with power and fervid eloquence, and, with his hand on the open Bible, of the sacred truths of our religion, and of saint-like lives and triumphant deaths, and of future bliss or misery unutterable, then did Goodman Brown turn pale, dreading lest the roof should thunder down upon the gray blasphemer and his hearers. Often, waking suddenly at midnight, he shrank from the bosom of Faith; and at morning or eventide, when the family knelt down at prayer, he scowled and muttered to himself, and gazed sternly at his wife, and turned away. And when he had lived long, and was borne to his grave a hoary corpse, followed by Faith, an aged woman, and children and grandchildren, a goodly procession, besides neighbors not a few, they carved no hopeful verse upon his tombstone, for his dying hour was gloom.




I apologize for putting such a long story in my blog, but it was an assignment for english... and it struck me:
Most people live with such guilt... held prisoner by the Devil's lies that they and the world have so much guilt that there is no hope. That the world 'is one mighty blood spot,' and that worshipping God is hypocrisy because we can never be any better, so we all need to band together and make each other feel better about our individual problems in light of the collective shame.
People don't see hope, or light, that though we all do wrong, that doesn't lower the bar. We are still to do our best, but God forgives and restores relationships- that's the point of Easter for pete's sake!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Verses for the week =)


Youth Group Key Verse of the month:
Q: It's not a religion, it's a relationship?
A: "He has shown you, oh man, what is good. Now what does the Lord require of you? To live justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God."
Micah 6:8

Youth Group to share:
Q: Does God love us no matter what?
A: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39


Girls' Bible study:
Q: What is a 'Godly' woman?
A: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30

Sunday, March 22, 2009

YAY! I'm glad you all were able to come that did! It was awesome to get to spend that time with you all and I'm very proud of all of you! =D

At the Seattle Center fountain =)


I'll be praying for each of you as you 'Shred the Gnar' (Go Big or Go Home) this week! ;-)

This Friday we'll be sharing with the adults about our trip and digging deeper into what the 'Gnar' is that we are supposed to be Shreddin' ;-) as well as catching up with those who weren't able to join us for the trip- this is an awesome time to bring a friend with you to youth group. A chance for them to see you practice Shredding the Gnar, and perhaps catch a wave themselves =) bringing a friend to YG to meet your friends, hang out, play and talk can be a good way to start sharing with them if you're having trouble breaking the ice about faith.

BUT!
Don't forget- youth group, Dare 2 Share, Seattle and church aren't the only places to Shred the Gnar for Jesus... the biggest waves are out there: talking to your friends, not letting a chance go by to introduce them to your Savior ... whether or not they come to YG =)

See you Friday, talk to you sooner!

BTW- if anyone is bored this week, I'll be around almost every day and you're welcome to come hang out with us, play Wii, hit a park etc :-)

Have an awesome Spring Break!


Collecting canned food in Seattle!
5000+ teens collected 7 tons of food for the Salvation Army on Saturday- enough to fill their need for that area for a year!!!

PS: please pass this on to those who do not have FB =) thanks!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Dare 2 Share


I'm so excited! Mostly because the kids are excited. It's our first REAL trip as a group, and I'm a little nervous :-S This is an awesome opportunity for them and I'm so glad they are ALL going!

Maiden voyage- WHOO!

I think I have everything in order: place to stay, transportation, chaperone's, tickets, food, packing lists out, permission slips, kids excited, car playlists to get ready for concert, small group curriculum, fundraisers, prayer support....
....am I missing anything?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Monotony of the Cliff


On the edge,
Where to go?
A bird in fledge,
Or falling stone?

Take the path,
Stay this course,
Do the math,
And we'll endorse.

What's to choose?
My life so planned.
Lots to lose,
If I don't stand.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Ephesians 6:10-18


Dare 2 Share conference verses

10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we[a] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.[b] 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.[c] 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.[d]

Friday, February 13, 2009

Happy Singles' Awareness Day!


Tomorrow is Singles' Awareness Day. My Bio lab instructor thought that was hillarious.
Have a good one.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Beauty


I've been thinking about it a lot.
Not in a physical sense, but spiritually, emotionally.
Things like Love, Peace, Joy.
Beauty.
It's strange... the places where I'm finding beauty and peace... even joy. Places where in all reason I should be upset or turn my back on. But instead, I find a love in my heart, God in these moments when it makes no sense to be so happy =)
Beauty.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Twilight

As much as I love Bella's character...

~Why can she just faint and shut out/delay the things in the world that bother her?
~And when she can't handle life and faints, Edward is ALWAYS there to catch her. Ever caring, unselfish, totally loving (not to mention handsome) and always there to catch her when she can't find the strength to handle things.

She can be frail, and rely on someone. People might be surprised at her choices, but they don't stand in the way of them, in fact she is usually supported in what she chooses to do with her life...

I LOVE the books btw :-)

music


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